I Love "The Annoying Girl", and you should too.
why women in media will always be "too much", and why they deserve to be.
To be quiet, motherly, uncompetitive, friendly, and above all else: tolerable. That is the fate of women in our society and media. We teach them to hide their flaws unless they want it to eclipse their very existence. But not them. They are called selfish, loud, opportunistic, childish, and learn to exist for the themselves rather than for others. They are ‘The Annoying Girls’ who we wrangle because we’re afraid of being just like them. A lovable outcast.
But outcasts are roamers, they don’t have a home, they have pockets of people who provide the warmth they need until they’re smothered out. When they have become too burdensome to keep around, they become enemies. The easiest way to make someone an enemy is to turn them into a public spectacle and execution. How many times have you seen this happen? Too many for my liking, and it really pains me to watch. I’m here to defend them: The People vs. Annoying Girls, if you will.
I’ve always found myself rooting for ‘Annoying Girls’, maybe out of spite for the people who would dogpile them for the simplest things. For being too motherly, too positive, too negative, too young, and being too competitive. They’re just simply too much for everybody, and I often think I am too. Maybe I root for them because I see myself in them, they are the mess that sits in the middle of the room. They are permanently square in your gaze, and you can choose how you feel about it, like the wallpaper or carpeting. But there’s a moment when they lose that: that moment when their mess is not a clutter, but a mass that grows and spills out every word they have ever wanted to say to someone. Then the room grows deafly quiet, and you hear the blood rushing into your ears screaming to never speak again? To cower away and implode into a speck of dust in the light, only noticed when someone stares at you long enough to recognize your form? Maybe you’re annoying girl too. I made you a love letter, but I hope you take it more like a housewarming gift. Welcome to the neighborhood, friend.
Plantiff #1: Janine Teagues of ‘Abbott Elementary’
Crimes: Too positive, being sensitive, unreasonable, possibly neurodivergent.
I’m sorry but I’m not going to let y’all talk crazy about her. Is she extremely peppy and cheery? Yes, but in the context of the show, is it not needed? The government makes being a public school teacher for underprivilged kids a living nightmare and she tries to make the most of it. She knows what it’s like having barriers in front of you from the start and having people in your ear telling you you’re never going to make it anywhere. She did though, and she’s here to make sure these kids do too! She may expect a lot from others, but it’s never from a place of being cruel, it’s because she knows what everyone is capable of when they give it 100%. Her plans may not always work, but she’s not perfect, no matter how much she tries to hide it.
Now I need you to stay with me with this next point. I think she’s neurodivergent-coded. Yes, I do also think she is a proud adderall user just like me. Let’s discuss very briefly why: Her extremely enthusiastic way of talking about anything, her lack of focus on bigger picture things like her own life, her spontaneity, and her extreme aversion to negative emotion and emotional sensitivity issues. I may only have a bachelor’s in psych but as my good moot Leo (@arakkisuperstar) said:
Do I think she’s annoying? No, I think she’s just someone who cares a lot. She’s a second mother to over 400 kids everyday for 9 hours a day, I think she’s allowed to make the most of it. After all, wouldn’t you like to see them succeed against all odds?
Plantiff #2 and 2.5: Cece Parekh and Jessica Day of ‘New Girl’
Crimes (Cece Parekh): Too Cold, Being Brown in a ‘Diverse’ Sitcom, Changing Winston ‘Babygirl’ Schmidt
Crimes (Jessica Day): Immaturity, Too Optimistic, Driven, & Low Self-Awareness
When I first started writing, i made a newsletter on ‘New Girl’ and its impact on sitcoms and how it created the blueprint for the rising ‘Diverse’ sitcom of the 2010’s. While I praised it for its character development (most of it anyways), I also criticized the way it often left many of the minorities in a weird limbo of trying to appease white demographics while trying to break away from it. because of this, many of their minority characters were given attributes or ‘foils’ (a character meant to contrast another to highlight an extreme or quirk in their personality or appearance) for laughs.
And here, Schmidt comes into the picture. He’s a white, jewish office worker who has seem to cultivated a following online for his ‘himbo-esque’ personality. But there doesn’t seem to be an equivalent for Cece, despite her being a much kinder and objectively more attractive person. Why is that? Because she wasn’t meant to be his girlfriend, she was meant to be his wrangler, to control his weird racial word-spills and misogynistic fantasies. When she becomes an object that is not given to him like a toy to a child, his worldview is threatened and he takes this as an opportunity to reflect on his childhood, growing up as a plus-sized person, lack of maternal figure, and how it has all affected his view on women. So when she becomes a real character around Season 2, she continues to do that, but also becomes her own person. She is career-driven, despite Schmidt feeling constantly emasculated by her job as a model. She breaks up with him multiple times because their needs and life goals aren’t compatible and begins a journey of self-discovery, where she grows more confident and kinder.
So when I polled for everybody’s favorite and least favorite character, guess who I was expect to be at the bottom and at the top? Schmidt was the not only the most liked one within the couple, but in the ENTIRE show. Meanwhile, Cece was voted as least liked, with Jess as a close second. I added a “why?’ section to the google poll, and was stunned at the responses.
Cece was called ‘annoying’, ‘cold’, ‘unimportant’, and worst of all…’should’ve been more forgiving to Schmidt’. Yes, Schmidt. The man who cheated on her with a whole different relationship, was racist to her for a full season, and couldn’t even remember her name. Do y’all not see how weird that is? What more do you want that girl to do for him? She’s not annoying, you’re just chained to the white man and I need you to break free.
Jessica Day is an occasionally-childish, optimistic character who has a deep loyalty to her friends. She was a bit over-the-top for sure, but I don’t think she was annoying either. I think people just have a problem with women who are naturally happy. She is not content because of a man, a job, or a situation, but with life itself. She wants to be everybody’s friend and that puts people off, especially if they naturally are cautious of people’s kindness (see ‘New Girl’ episode 1, where the boys are even suspicious of her child-like glee). She suffers from something many ‘Annoying’ people eventually develop: People Pleaser Syndrome. Do you do the most to bring a smile to someone, even at the expense of your time and relationships? Do you often put others before yourself? Do people often call you too nice or too motherly/fatherly? Does all this sound SO familiar to a certain someone?
Plantiff #3: Jules Vaughn of ‘Euphoria’
Crimes: Being ‘Selfish’, Being an inperfect victim, Not being prepared to care for an addict, Being a trans girl, Being a teen girl.
You’d think she blew up the town with a nuke with the way y’all hate her. Her hate train was a lot of things but justified was certainly not one of them, and it all goes back to Sam Levinson’s writing. he doesn’t know how to genuinely paint a character that is both complex and sympathetic other than Rue. This is evident by the fact that so many people only started to understand Jules and her decisions when they watched her special episode, which was written by her actress, Hunter Schaffer. She’s experience so much heartbreak and has died and been reborn more times than she can count at the age of 16. She has been humiliated, abused, and abandoned so many times and you’d think it would garner the smallest bit of empathy but no. Her ill-fated decisions to love Rue and attempt to do the best with her little experience in handling addicts (who she already has terrible trauma over with her own mother) was enough for the internet to dogpile her, call her every single thing other than her name, misgender her and use transphobic language and rhetoric against her, and it had even spilled out into how she compares to other characters. She became the punching bag for Rue’s own ill decisions (beyond her own clear-headed control either), and became the one to blame for everything wrong in Season 2. If she laughed during the play, it was dragged as a sign of selfishness. If she cried, she’s too sensitive and was called attention-seeking. And if she didn’t do anything, she became a terrible girlfriend because for some reason y’all wanted a teen girl to have the nuance and informed decision making of a 40-year old addiction specialist. They were not healthy for each other at this moment in their lives, but that doesn’t make one or the other a toxic individual who is to be completely blamed. These are teen girls with a lot on their mind and plates.
But I think there’s something even more sinister than ‘relationship’ drama happening here. She’s also a victim of literally any abuse you can think of. She was filmed and statutorily raped by a man, then was blackmailed and taunted by his son. Do you understand what all this does to a person, let alone a teenaged trans girl? And you’re more upset with how she copes and confides in Rue instead of actually blaming the men in both of their lives who have pulled them here? (Fez you’re not innocent in any of this either.) Literally how the hell do you look me in the face and say Jules is anywhere close to being as bad as Cal and Nate? But because she doesn’t react to it and confront it in the way you think she should, she’s no longer a victim in your eyes. She’s a dumb girl to you and that’s a scary thought to have to sit with.
Plantiff #4, #5, and #6: Louise, Meilin, Coraline
Crimes: Acting like children…that’s literally it.
I’m not defending them against grown adults, go to hell.
Plantiff #7: Diane Nguyen of ‘Bojack Horseman’
Crimes: Being in a complex asian woman in a show with a fucking talking horse.
I wish I knew where to start with Diane, because it’s always been a bit puzzling to see the intention of ‘Bojack Horseman’ be chipped away by an audience that doesn’t seem to get it. He’s not supposed to be ‘one of us’, the people’s loser. He’s barely even supposed to be a sympathetic character. He’s what I call a ‘side-mirror’ character. Yes I did make that up and the patent is pending! Yes your bills have been affected by Boss and CEO!
A ‘Side-Mirror’ character is someone who you’re supposed to connect with on a more abstract level, and those traits and qualities that you see in yourself are supposed to be the ones you feel harder than the actual being themselves. Much in the way the mirrors distort distance from other objects and cars, the side-mirror character exaggerates the real pain and traits many of us learn to cope or grow with. But that doesn’t mean you’re to take what you see as the ‘real’ thing, it’s still warped. Bojack has had a very hard life and has trauma of his own, which is supposed to give you that feeling of relatability. But he is not one to be seen as a reflection, but rather a smashed, compact look at your own pain and isolation. He’s a terrible person, and he justifies it with his own struggles and believes people owe him for what fate has carved out. And you would assume everybody ends up this way when they’re never given a true second life.
But here’s the kicker…Diane Nguyen is a winner. And that eats a lot of Bojack’s fans alive.
She has high expectations for herself and others, but often can’t seem to reach those expectations herself in the earlier seasons. She’s motivated to a degree, but not enough to save herself from the cycles of depression and bad friends. This imperfection would be hailed in Bojack Horseman reddit circles if it wasn’t for 2 things: she’s a woman and she’s determined to stop decaying with him. She is supposed to be the version of Bojack that takes life on the chin and learns to be at peace with it. So much awful shit in her life has happened and her experiences with men have never been good but she still learns to love enough to find love a worthy pursuit in others, as well as herself. She will not rot living a life not worth living, and that refusal to stare and fall into the abyss when that’s all she knows is something they can’t accept her for.
I could be here all day talking about Diane and her importance as a figure of self-criticism and acceptance, but I think Siyyan (friend, writer
, and twitter twin ) had it covered better than I ever could in her article here.I decided to publish this article on Mother’s Day because I have something to admit. I used to call my mother annoying too. We’re often raised to believe our mothers are not friends but a smothering mess, and the world has made it hard to not only be a mother, but choose when to be one too. But deep down, I knew I was her mirror image. I had her eyes, her nose, her mouth, her anger, and her self-doubt. I grew to learn and heal from the last one, but I never knew if she did.
I owed my mother an apology, and so I did it. She laughed and said she was confused on that winter night, but I could see in her eyes that it was something she really needed. Her family never knew what to do with her, she was too smart, too loud, too confrontational. She was never going to be the replacement mother for the men, she was going to have the life she wanted, even if it took her entire life to have it. My mother is an “Annoying Woman”, to people in my family and culture who want to contain her, and I am proud to be the flesh and sound she wanted me to be.
Wow, end of the article. Thank you for joining me on Mother’s Day for this, I hope it didn’t disappoint you. I know it’s been a month since the last newsletter but I really need to focus on finals but here I am. A graduate and still a shitty writer! But again thank you for supporting this newsletter, and I hope you’re around for the next one coming very soon! See ya! :]
okay but the crime section - you ate with that. love this piece! like people should learn to be empathetic and allow the girls to be “annoying”